


Heart of Ice (Behind a Wall of Stone)

by kagome_angel



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Gen, Spoilers for the ending, violent imagery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 22:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1874244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagome_angel/pseuds/kagome_angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.” – Albert Schweitzer</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart of Ice (Behind a Wall of Stone)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic wanted to eat the word limit alive. First time writing Scar. Be gentle? XD I never posted this at any other community or my fic LJ. Shame on me. Was written for [](http://fma-fic-contest.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://fma-fic-contest.livejournal.com/)**fma_fic_contest** prompt 93: Cold.

_What have I done?_ The question repeats itself over and over in his head until he’s muttering it out loud, until he’s screaming it, until the blood on his hands is dry (and he knows it’s always, _always_ going to be there, no matter how many times he washes them) and until his throat is raw.

He’s lost everything: his home, his mother, his father, his brother….

Oh, but his brother has given him this _cursed_ arm, and so part of him lives on, doesn’t it? What irony.

He laughs, though he is not amused. He teeters on the brink of insanity; what is he now, but a murderer? In a fit of blind rage and confusion, he killed those who were only trying to help him.

He gazes at the ruins of his homeland, and he thinks: _It was **their** fault. The Amestrians—they were the first to pull the trigger._

Anger and hatred rush through his veins like molten lava even as his heart turns into ice, even as he builds an impenetrable stone wall around it.

_What shall I do now, Brother?_

~*~

The answer comes to him some time later: _With this right arm, I will rid this place of State Alchemists; they are abominations under God._

He discovers that he can kill State Alchemists without mercy, and he feels no guilt for it afterwards. Living a life on the run is a bit of a nuisance, but he deals with it. This is his purpose.

He feels no pity for Shou Tucker when he sends the man to meet God, but some part of his frozen heart responds to the hideous creature that the man created: a horrendous forging of the man’s daughter and her pet dog. The creature cries, and he quickly ends its life as well.

It is a form of mercy, he believes.

The only kindness he is capable of giving.

~*~

It is by chance that he stumbles upon Edward Elric – the Fullmetal Alchemist – for the first time. He learns amidst the middle of their ensuing battle that the empty suit of armor is actually the blonde’s younger brother. Yet another _abomination_ … but judgment is meant for the Fullmetal Alchemist alone today—provided, of course, that the younger of the two keeps his distance.

Fullmetal pleads that the life of his brother be spared while said brother begs Fullmetal to get up and _run_. As Scar extends his right hand to end Fullmetal, he is oddly reminded of his own brother, and his millisecond of hesitation gives the military enough time to step in and interrupt.

Outnumbered, he beats a hasty retreat.

_Don’t think this is over, Fullmetal,_ he thinks as he descends underground. _It’s not._

~*~

Somewhere along the way, he manages to gain himself a _stray_ by the name of Yoki. A second soon appears—Mei Chang, a foreigner from Xing. She is naught but a child, and her incessant babbling about immortality and alkahestry grates on his nerves almost as badly as her little pet (she insists it’s not a cat, despite the similarities).

She heals the injury he’s acquired with her version of alchemy, and as he watches the wound close before his eyes, all he can think is: _Abominations like this must cease to exist._

It would be easy to kill her. He could do it in an instant, but she looks up at him and smiles, and he _can’t_.

There’s something about her smile that chips away the first block of his carefully-constructed wall.

“Suit yourself, girl,” he tells her, and it’s as close to an assent as she’s going to get.

~*~

The blonde girl who stands before him, gun raised, has every right to kill him—she’s the daughter of those doctors, after all, the ones he killed years ago. He tells her as much, but she hesitates, and when she does, he lunges for her.

It is Fullmetal who stops him, leaping in front of her and protecting her, just like that girl’s father had done for her mother, just like Scar’s own brother had done for him.

Again, Scar finds himself unable to move, unable to finish either of them.

A few more stones fall to join the first, and he lets them live, for now.

~*~

The second time he encounters the Rockbell girl, his left arm is injured and bleeding freely. Now would be the perfect opportunity for her to strike.

She asks him why he murdered her parents, but there is no appropriate answer. Instead, he tells her, “You have every right to pass judgment on me.”

What she chooses shocks him to the core: _Forgiveness_.

She tends to his wound as her parents would have done, and without warning, the stone wall surrounding his ice-heart abruptly crumbles.

~*~

His world has changed before him, reshaped by those who he once considered to be his enemies.

They are now his comrades.

Now he supposes that he must find a new task to occupy himself.

Mei finds him before her departure—she’s going back to her country with her half-brother, a Philosopher’s Stone in tow. This little girl – who is so unlike him in many ways and yet very much like him in others – smiles brightly at him before embracing him tightly.

He tentatively, carefully, and awkwardly returns her embrace, gently patting the top of her head.

“I will miss you, Mr. Scar,” she whispers earnestly.

He doesn’t tell her that he will miss her too (even though he will); he just says, “Take care of yourself.”

“I will,” she promises. “You take care of yourself, too.” She presses a little kiss to the scar on his forehead, and just like that, the ice encapsulating his heart melts.

He thinks of his past. He thinks of his brother and his people; he thinks of the Elrics and the Rockbells and the State Military. He thinks of the unknown future that lies ahead of him, and gives her the only answer he finds appropriate:

“I will.”  



End file.
